A Time to Heal

Recently a very dear friend passed away. It isnt as if she was young and healthy but it was still a total shock to me. I knew she had cancer, and I even knew she was in icu. But somehow it never occured to me that she might actually pass. That statement is very odd once written but in my little head, losing my friend just was not a thought I allowed in.


She actually started out as my mom's friend. They worked together for Braniff and went bankrupt with them...twice. Before the bankruptcies, were great times. My earliest memories of her were when I was a pre-teen...and rotten. We went to Vegas several times a year, and to Mexico once, and to San Francisco, and to Hawaii. I have a vague memory of snapping at her on the San Francisco trip. Probably because I was moody or not getting my way or something. At the time she was just one of many of my mom's friends that we traveled with and therefore the enemy in my mind. I deeply regret that feeling now. It was the Hawaii trip that I first remember seeing her for her. She was laughing and cutting up. I am sure looking back she did this LONG before I noticed it. It was an intricate, deep set part of who she was.


A few years later the traveling stopped, but she never let go of my mom's friendship. When my first child was born I was very young, and unmarried. Bobbie came to see me several times during my extended hospital stay. She never treated me like a sinner, or like the spoiled brat that I was instead she showed me respect that I didn't deserve. It wasn't that she went overboard to treat me a specific way...she simply treated me as if my circumstances and bad choices were just that. She didn't allow them to become who she thought of me as. Sadly, I just didn't know how to appreciate it at the time.


As the years flew by, her husband passed away and she eventually moved from Dallas to their weekend home on Callender Lake. My mom and grandmother would occasionally go spend the weekend with her and eventually they bought the land directly across the street from Bobbie and build our family a weekend home. My family spent countless weekends at the lake working on the land before and after the house was built until it was finally ready for us to stay in. Bobbie never complained, in fact she insisted that we stay with her. Our families became very close.


More years passed and I had my second child. I was married to an alcoholic and struggling every day to get to the chance to struggle thru another day. One weekend trip to the lake house turned into another disaster, but this time with Bobbie to witness it. It was this day that I realized that Bobbie was not just my mothers friend. She was my friend and had been all along. She again didn't treat me as I deserved. She treated me with kindness. She found a way to relate to my situation and although my problem didn't go away I realized that I wasn't the only person who made bad choices. I was amazed that day by how 'real' she was. She hadn't lived her life clueless to peoples problems and sins, she just graciously refused to let them define people.


I ended up leaving the Dallas area (along with the alcoholic) and moved closer to my mom and grandma. My little one stayed with my mom while I worked, and Bobbie living just right across the street came over frequently.
All thru the years Bobbie was a huge fan of my oldest child who is happiest with her nose stuck in a book. She was a great source of encouragment for her and was a great friend to her as well. As soon as the little one was old enough to talk they suddenly had an incredible bond. Bobbie and my Savanna are both extroverted and very, very, no really, VERY talkative. By the time Savanna was 3 she would say, "Gran, I am just gonna go home with Bobbie for little while." Of course, a little while in talking minutes for Savanna and Bobbie was hours in real time. We often wondered who would out talk who, but we were never brave enough to go over to find out. It is amazing to me being an exact opposite of them, an Introvert of Introverts, how they didn't just run out of things to say. Every time she went to town she would come home with some gift for Savanna. It wasn't until her funeral that I heard that she did this for lots of people. She was always picking up something that was just a perfect gift for someone. That is so special to me because she was a friend who listened and knew them well enough and cared enough about them to want to make them happy.


When she passed I was incredibly sad. It was much harder on me than I had expected. I really regret that I never took the time to realize how much she meant to me. Bobbie was saved and so my sadness was not for her...but for me and MY family. She was a grandmother to my kids and nephews. We will forever miss her and we will be blessed because we knew her.
I am hoping that writing this will help me heal.