Pity parties and birthday parties

Today is my first born's 16th birthday. She had a nice almost surprise birthday party last night. She brilliantly figured it out as soon as her friend text messaged me on accident instead of her... "How are we gonna get Bri outta the house?" Innocent mistake I guess, I am surprised Bri didn't find out sooner. Lesson here: It isn't always best to have your family cell plan numbers one digit away from the others!

As I sit here alone at home, which in itself is a miracle since I have been BOMBARDED with teens since yesterday, I wonder how my 5 pound preemie is now 16 and at the movies til midnight. I am happy for her to be at this point in her life. BUT as I sit here alone thinking back thru the years I can feel the hairs on my head turning grey. I am weepy and I just hate when I do that, especially if it is caused by a pity party.

We have been a cell only family for 4 years. My gift to her was high speed internet and a home phone. That so far has been a nice plus for me as well since I am using HER new internet connection now. Her other gift is simply the knowledge that I have found her a car and will be buying it for her in a couple of months. That sentence made me weepy again.

I just cannot believe that she is only a couple of short busy years away from college and out of the house. I miss her and she isn't even physically gone yet. Even thru the toughest of times, the worst part of the teen years for me hasn't been the attitude or the lack of help around the house or even other issues steming from the typical teenage 'wrapped up in myself' misbehavior. It has been the growing sense that I am becoming less central in her life and becoming only a PART of her life. As much as I try to remind myself that she isn't mentally moving away from me but more moving TOWARD something else and it is healthy for her...it just plain sucks.

Pity party is officially over.